It is common knowledge that women can oftentimes struggle with orgasming, mainly because they aren’t receiving the stimulation they are used to receiving from themselves. This can be the same for men, although oftentimes it’s not as well known.
Keep in mind that we are not a medical site, and you should always speak to a doctor first if you are experiencing medical problems.
Stigma Around Ejaculation
If you or your partner struggle with ejaculation, know you’re not alone. The first step to understanding how to work with ejaculation struggles is accepting that it’s normal, and then researching your masturbation techniques alone or with your partner.
When looking for the causation of ejaculation issues, many men find that the problem isn’t with their partner or with their bodies, it’s just the sex techniques being used by either or both parties. Make sure that you’re paying attention when masturbating, so you know what techniques you’re using that pleasure you the most.
If you want to get to a deeper level, when masturbating be sure to pay special attention to what sex therapists call an “orgasm threshold”: at what range of sexual arousal and stimulation you can achieve an orgasm.
Orgasm thresholds are different for everyone, but they are mainly lower for men and higher for women; the stereotype surrounding men’s orgasm threshold is why men with a high orgasm threshold usually get stigma for not being able to ejaculate properly.
How can it be fixed?
If you’re a man looking for tips on how to encourage ejaculation, it is important to pay attention to your level of arousal. You should be focusing on your own arousal as well as your partners, and not penetrating your partner until you are fully aroused.
If you know that it takes you longer to ejaculate, make sure to get as close to the edge as you possibly can before penetration. This will make it so that your arousal level is higher going in, and you can ejaculate at what might seem to be a “normal” rate after penetration.
If you want to please your partner at every second of sex, it can be damaging to your own arousal. While it is great to make sure you are meeting your partner’s needs, you should be selfish if you have trouble ejaculating.
By focusing on your own arousal, you are making sure that you are ready and prepared for penetrative sex leading to ejaculation. While others see this as selfish, men with trouble ejaculating should know that your partner won’t notice the difference as long as you’re splitting your focus.
Focusing on her when it is time to focus on her, such as oral sex, kissing, touching and foreplay, is just one side of the story. The other side involves you taking time to enjoy your own pleasure. Watching while receiving oral sex, listening when being talked dirty to or being encouraged, and focusing on sensations being received are all great ideas for being more selfish in bed without losing the focus on your partner.